What is an adjacent other?
Addison Hodges Hart recently posted,
Common sense when reading, viewing, or listening to just about anything: eat the fish and spit out the bones. Those who can’t do that should simply withdraw and not engage in material they can’t handle objectively, allowing the rest of us to get on, as we will in peace. Just say no to nannies.
For Hart, he had in mind those advocating “canceling” philosophies and philosophers. He notes,
Philosophy is rarely isolated to one name, and philosophers’ ideas will not stop with their death (or cancellation).
I am no philosopher or the son of a philosopher. What I do know is that over time, I have learned from many voices from disparate places in theology and philosophy. To Hart’s point, if we look deep enough, we will learn what I learned in Seminary. Few ideas come from pristine, read - perfect, sources. The inherent need to begin with the caveat, “I don’t agree with everything [x] says,” and then proceed to point out where you have tossed the bones and eaten the fish, starts with the negative and throws shade on the very positive you intend to offer in conversation.
What may be better is to use the description, Adjacent other." If I understand correctly, this offers a way to begin with a positive. I am other than [x] but I am nearby. I am adjacent.
The reality dawned on me at the first National Pastors Conference I attended in about 2000 or 2001. Sitting among at least 1000 pastors from across the denominational spectrum was a first. Up to that point all the conferences I attended were hosted by my own denominations’s affiliate organizations. I like to tell the story that rather than hearing or seeing other denominations serve as the butt of a joke, my own tribe was often under the spotlight of such humor. Now I knew how uncomfortable it must be for them in our circles.
Since that time I have met people across the wide array of Christian denominations. Along the way I have decided they are all my adjacent others. That is, there is something to learn from them all. I don’t need to begin with, “Even though Jason is a UMC pastor, I agree with him on [x}.” None of us pastors from any denomination obtain to a complete understanding of the ineffable God. That means, humility in relationships is a best starting point.
Conference Friends
I first met Tony in Minneapolis. Though I had seen him on stage, my first small group encounter was in a church building during a boutique conference. I don’t recall much of that meeting. I had a terrible cold and it was the coldest place I had ever been, Minneapolis, that is.
Some time later at another venue Tony and I sat across a table on the porch of a conference center main building. Over the past twenty years or so we ran into each other at different events. Once Tony got my attention from next to the back row at an event.
He said: ” Can you believe I am the most conservative person here?!”
I responded: “Well, I am right of you.”
We both laughed.
I interviewed Tony for my podcast once. When asked to help write something of a history of the Emergent Church for a friend, I talked to Tony and listened to other interviews he had done.
We had never spent the time together we would in the BWCAW.
Closer Encounters with an Adjacent Other
Until earlier this month, I had not seen Tony in probably a decade. We may have traded texts or DMs a few times.
For five days six of us canoed and camped in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness. Six of us. Add the drive to the Outfitters, and we spent six days together. We shared meals, setting up camp, hauling gear packs, and portaging canoes. Tony was our guide. And, he became friend to all of us. Consider camping in those settings to be like the Hadron Supercollider for relationships.
You learned what to expect, to trust, to depend, to be depended on, and more.
Tony texted me just a day or two after settling back in at home. He invited me on to his podcast to have a conversation about the trip.
Here is a link to the podcast.
Enjoy.